Last week the boys and I walked to campus to meet Billy after work. I was overjoyed to see, finally, the buds uncurling on the bushes and the little green plants poking up through the ground. The smell of Miami this time of year brought me back to my college days and the whole walk took on a surreal,"where has the time gone?" feel. When we arrived at Upham Hall we were a little early, so, as always, we started to play in the arch. A Miami legend claims that anyone who kisses under arch will get married, and I smiled to think that about ten years earlier, Billy and I shared our own kiss there, hoping and wondering about our future together. While Charlie and I played a silly game we made up two summers ago (involving running from one side of the arch to the other and calling longingly for each other) I thought of the first time I walked through the archway. I was seventeen and was visiting the school with my dad. Imagine if I could have seen into the future--the nervous 19 year old perched on the marble bench before a meeting with a professor, the somewhat more confident 20 year old passing under the archway with friends on the way to class, the giddy 21 year old holding hands and kissing her boyfriend, and now, in the same, unchanged place, the 31 year old mother of two, enjoying a peaceful moment with her boys. This one little corner of the world could provide a sort of story of my life.
And as simple as the scene was, it was breathtaking. Upham Hall is a stately building and the arch, in particular, is a charming place. The boys' tiny bodies and golden hair stood out against the shady brick walls, and their laughter echoed warmly. Beyond the arch, Bishops woods was bright and green and everything felt promising and hopeful.
Earlier that morning I had lay awake in bed thinking about Charlie and feeling guilty. I thought about our interactions, how we spend so much time feeling frustrated with each other and how quickly I lose my patience with him. I felt guilty about my tendency to make dark jokes about his behavior. I always deal with frustrating or embarrassing situations by making jokes, and while it helps lighten the mood in that moment, it probably doesn't help things long term. I wondered how other parents maintain such a consistently positive attitude about their kids. Is my relationship with Charlie so different from theirs? Or do they have more patience? Or do they keep the frustration to themselves? Or do they just not think it's funny to make sarcastic jokes?
While playing in the arch and watching Charlie's wide smile as he ran circles around an admiring Jimmy, those thoughts were lost with the night. In the promise of this mild day I really believed I could figure out how to bring some peace into our relationship.
P.S. The second set of pictures are from a visit to Hokybe Farm where we buy our meat and eggs. We had fun romping around with Louisa and William!
4 comments:
Such a special place. I remember that visiting day like it was yesterday and remember telling you (or thinking to myself) that you will discover many wonderful things here, friends, wisdom, yourself and who knows, a great husband and family! love, Dad
I have the same struggles with Evelyn. Sometimes she is just so darn unpleasant to be around. I have to constantly remind myself that she isn't even three yet...that the world is frustrating for her...that she doesn't know how to properly express herself when she is happy or sad. It is a lot of work for an exhausted mom!
I also struggle with the fact that SO much of my energy is spent on Evelyn...which leaves just barely enough for sweet Mack. He deserves so much more from me. Fortunately for me, he is a very patient and forgiving young fellow.
This post made me miss home so much. I totally know that Miami smell you're talking about!
The Arch is such a funny thing. Visitors used to constantly ask about it at the hotel and to me, someone who grew up there, I never understood why everyone was so interested in it. I guess it's always that way when you live somewhere because no one from Germany seems interested in seeing all the things I think are awesome here. People are so interesting!
The thing I remember most about our 1st visit to Maimi was that arch and the wonderful tale that students who are in love with each other and kiss under that arch will marry.
All our dreams came true when you married Billy and grew into the wonderful family that you are, providing us with two wonderful grandsons and a mother's dream that her daughter is truly fullfilled (all be it frustrating at times) with her 2 young sons and husband happily teaching at Miami and sharing a wonderful life together in Oxford, Ohio!
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