Turning it Around

The excitement of Christmas + rainy weather - the routine of preschool = crazy kids and frazzled mom. For too many days in a row I've felt frustrated, disappointed, and just plain sad about my interactions with my boys. There have been too many time outs, too much sarcasm, too many lines in the sand. Last night I lay in bed feeling helpless and angry. But angry at whom? I'm the grown up here. I'm the one who has to turn this around. Before falling asleep I made a plan; the next morning would start "Turn it Around Day." Here's how it played out:

12:00 - 5:00am: Jimmy woke up every hour. Not the start I was hoping for.

5:00 - 8:00am: Things got better. I somehow simultaneously slept deeply and listened to Billy take care of the morning routine while wrangling the boys.

8:00 - 10:00am: Instead of checking email, I sat with Charlie and Jimmy on the couch while I sipped my morning coffee. Instead of groaning, I laughed at the their potty jokes and slapstick routine. Instead of straightening up while Billy went for his run, I played hide and seek with the boys.

10:00 - 12:00: We met up with some friends and walked to TCU. I let Charlie give the campus tour even though he chose a frustratingly inefficient route. I let Jimmy push the stroller even though he broke down crying every ten feet. I not only allowed, but supported, their decision to eat our bagels "family style" at Einstein's. And, most impressively, I didn't die of embarrassment when Charlie did something die-of-embarrassment worthy at the Veteran Memorial.

12:00-2:00pm: While Jimmy napped, I resisted the urge to clean and organize in preparation for my parents' visit and instead worked on a holiday craft with Charlie. I even stayed calm and positive when he freaked out about the marker selection in the kit and sobbed for 5 minutes. His pride as he hung his ornament on the tree was wonderful.

2:00 - 5:00pm: While Charlie watched his quiet-time cartoon, Billy and I scrubbed the floors and cleaned the kitchen together. Once Billy left for a haircut, I did something I almost never do: I gave Charlie my absolute undivided attention until he stopped saying "Mom! Watch this!" I'm still not sure what he was attempting to show me, but he accepted my praise with a false humility that told me he felt very proud of his performance. After that I did another thing I almost never do: I joined the boys on the floor while they made their animal figurines trot around and fight each other. Honestly, I hate that game.

5:00 - 6:00pm: I let Charlie help with dinner even though he made a mess and tried to argue with me about every step.

6:00 - 7:00pm: I followed through with our plan of not pushing the kids to eat--even though we had made their favorite meal--and instead I tried to keep things light and funny at the table. Jimmy eventually picked at his food, but Charlie hung backwards off his chair, dropped food on the floor we had just scrubbed and ignored us when we asked him about his day. Miraculously, things stayed positive.

7:00 - 8:00pm: After Bill left to watch a game with some coworkers, the boys and I snuggled in my bed for their four books each. We follow the same routine every night, but Charlie suddenly wanted his turn first and he tried to ruin Jimmy's books by pulling them out of my hands and shouting over my voice. Even on "Turn it Around Day" this wasn't going to fly, and I put him in his room while I finished Jimmy's books. But instead of getting mad at him, I gave him a disappointed yet sympathetic head shake as I shut the door to their room, and when he joined us a few minutes later he laid his head on my shoulder as a gesture of peace. The rest of the reading was without incident (well, except when I got a little teared up during "Great Joy", but that's neither here nor there.)

8:00pm - now: Charlie fell asleep in my bed and I'm snuggled next to him while I write this. Today was a fantastic day. The frustrating moments didn't take away from the fun ones. I know every day can't be like today, but it's comforting to remember we are capable of days like today. We are capable of enjoying each other. It's comforting to know I have the power to turn a day around.