Our new family (Post 2)

There's so much to share about the past week, I decided to split it into two posts. This is the second one...

After one night home alone with sweet Jimmy, we were excited (and I was a little nervous) to see Charlie on Saturday. Emily, Grandpa and Grandma said he did a wonderful job at their house, but I knew this huge change would be hard for my sensitive little guy. As soon as Grandma opened our door, Charlie ran into my arms saying, "missed you, mommy! Where's Jimmy?!" He quickly found him in daddy's arms on the couch, and proudly gave him the gift he and Grandma picked out. We let him hold Jimmy and he seemed to be pleased. We all breathed a sigh of relief.

However, the reality of our new family life hit all of us over the next few days. While Charlie has been kind and gentle with Jimmy, the change in our relationship has been really hard on both of us. Charlie cries for me to hold him, but with the c-section and new baby in my arms, it's not easy. Snuggling on the couch side by side just isn't cutting it for him right now. And when he appears in our doorway at night to find me feeding Jimmy in bed, I can see hurt all over his face. With the winter weather, we spend most of the day in our small apartment, which makes everything harder for all of us. The saddest example of Charlie's emotions was during a particularly stressful hour when our usually camera-shy son found the camera and asked Billy to take pictures of him doing things like coloring, kicking a ball, and smiling (I included a few of these photos). After that we made sure to take plenty of pictures of each of the boys by themselves.

Mornings have been especially hard. After feeding and changing Jimmy at night, I'm usually just falling asleep around 5:30...when Charlie comes into the room asking for me. On the first few mornings, when I was still recovering, Billy tried to shut the door so I could rest, but hearing Charlie cry for me and say he still missed me made sleeping impossible. At times it feels like I won't be able to give both the boys enough of me.

And yet, things seem to be getting a little better. Baba and Coach have been visiting and giving Charlie plenty of attention. Today Coach and Charlie built a snowman outside and Charlie was happy and proud. And as I get better, I can play with Charlie and even hold him a little. And while this is one of the hardest times of my life (and all of our lives, I think) when I'm snuggled up on the couch with my two happy boys and Charlie and I are laughing about something while Jimmy's little face is turned toward us, I know it's one of the best times, too.