It stinks being the new girl.
On "Meet the Teacher" Day I blow-dried my hair and even wore earrings. When I held Charlie's hand as we walked into the classroom, it was for my own comfort as much as anything. After signing in, we sat in the corner and pretended to play with cars, but we both knew better. Who actually plays with cars? We're people watchers. Charlie inconspicuously watched the other kids with a curious but calm gaze. He smiled and handed a car to the little boy who sat down with us. I felt my shoulders relax as I realized he's going to be fine. But then I felt the tension return as I watched the fancy-looking moms across the room embrace and gossip about their summers. I yearned to be in their warm circle. I craved their easy closeness. I envied the friendships they've built on crazy playdates and parenting confessions and having the kind of {exhausting, emotional, endless} time only stay-at-home parents of very young children have. And I felt like I was from another planet.
I miss my girlfriends so terribly. And I feel, with all the passion and certainty of a high schooler, that I will be lonely here forever.
4 comments:
Courntey, when you moved to Texas, Doug and I talked about what it would be like to move away like that. We both agreed that if anyone can handle it, it's you. You are so outgoing and can make friends anywhere, so I have no doubt in my mind that in a matter of time, you will have things going for you just like you did in Oxford, and days like this will be a distant memory--just like those tough days with Charlie! Good luck!
Oh Courtney. Don't worry! You have moved so many times, and it seems like every time you leave a place you also leave a troupe of amazing and lovely friends, too. Its just a matter of time until you have your own circle of friends in TX. You are warm and friendly and genuine. Everyone down there would be LUCKY to consider you a friend. I know I sure feel that way :)
Court. I swallowed hard reading your post. I had flashbacks of hidding in the bathroom during lunch on my first days at my new high school- I was stalling so that I wouldn't have to face a lunch table of people who all knew each other SO well and feel so apart from that. It definitely gets better, nothing happens over night. My mom recently recounted dropping off kids for school on our first day in dallas after moving from MN and she said she felt like she was from another planet compared to all the fancy dressed high end dallas moms. Any way, I guess I just wanted to say you're not alone in those feelings. HOWEVER, you are so warm, funny, and easy to like... they dont even know yet how lucky they are for the mom and family that just joined their preschool community! Hang in there, be patient.
I miss you. Wish I could give you a big hug.
just reading this now... and i will let you in on a little secret. sometimes, i am achingly lonely too... :) it isn't quite the warm circle it seems. let's get together soon for a playdate.
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