Musings and advice--seven years out

Today I was doubly grateful for Billy as we celebrated both Father's Day and our anniversary. (Triply grateful, actually, considering he danced, enthusiastically, with me to Journey at his cousin's wedding last night.) Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the traditional anniversary gift for seven years is unsolicited marriage advice... so here goes.

More than once in the past few weeks I've heard the love between spouses described as "unconditional". I think that besides being completely untrue, this sentiment misses one of the most interesting and special things about marriage:

In marriage we must choose each other again and again. Romantic love is fragile--without care and effort it can slip away. Choosing your partner, knowing they continue to choose you...well, it's a uniquely wonderful and exciting thing.

I remember a time during the first year of our marriage when I was feeling stressed at work and bored after the excitement of planning our wedding and buying our house. After nearly a week of snipping at Billy and crashing on the couch while Billy made dinner, I started to feel badly for him. I was crazy about this man and yet I was acting so... yikes... unlovable. Billy was treating me with the same warmth and patience as always, but how long could I expect him to ignore my crankiness? And why was I chit-chatting politely and using manners with the rest of the world when I could barely muster up a smile for the person I loved best? I got off the couch and made a promise to myself that I would never let him forget why he fell in love with me.

Of course there are days when I feel tired and mean, and days when Billy's tendency to "slow blink" when I try to explain something important (like gossip) makes me want to pull his hair. But I don't forget my promise to myself. And it's a good thing, because being lovable on 2-3 hours of sleep takes considerable determination.

On this admittedly non-milestone anniversary, I have to say that I think seven years of choosing each other is more romantic than love at first sight, fate, and unconditional love put together. Now prepare yourself for next year, when etiquette dictates that my anniversary gift to you is giving pointers on the lost art of thank you letter writing.