Mountains and Valleys

The other day my mom asked me to rate our trip so far on a scale from 1 to 10. Although I settled on a 5, what I wanted to say is that it's a 10 and a 1. Like parenthood, the good parts are really good, and the bad parts are really bad. And like parenthood, averaging the good and the bad to get a mediocre number doesn't do justice to the moments of joy, tenderness, and pride, or the moments of desperation, frustration, and disappointment. I don't for a moment regret coming here. And yet every day is so exhausting and difficult; the smallest and most ordinary things seem impossibly hard. The children are unpredictable and emotional, and I can't help but feel that Bill and I should be doing something differently. To make matters worse, I'm constantly shocked by how well-behaved British kids are. Sitting beside their mothers on the tube, riding their scooters down the street, playing at the park, they always seem to be following the rules and tagging along compliantly. We, on the other hand, make a scene where ever we go. Whether it's Jimmy screaming for the entire tube ride, Charlie whining for 30 minutes straight at the park, or the boys loudly challenging every decision I make, I'm convinced we stick out as being really bad at this child/parent thing. Perhaps worst of all, I feel like I'm a new mom again. In our real life I have as many frustrated moments as the next parent, but I feel reasonably adequate when it comes to handling whatever motherhood hurls at me. But here I feel completely at a loss for what to do so much of the time. When the children are really rude or difficult, my instinct is to be stricter with them. But it doesn't seem to help. And an afternoon of time-outs and loss of privileges leaves us all feeling defeated. I end up worrying that I'm being unfair to these very little boys I've dragged across the globe and thrown into a new culture and routine.

And yet, despite all this we've had really wonderful days. A week-long stretch of 80 degree days has kept us outside from early morning until late afternoon. On Saturday Bill and I wanted to bring the boys to a huge, wild park called Hampstead Heath, but Charlie woke with his heart set on taking a paddle boat out on the Serpentine Lake in Hyde Park. Happy that Charlie was excited about a particular activity, we agreed.

Of course, since we wake at 5:00am, we always have a lot of time to kill in the mornings. While we waited for the boat launch to open, we played in the water

and had a yummy little brunch by the lake.

The boat ride was an amazing success! Well, until Jimmy had a meltdown and tried to jump overboard.

Charlie was worried that Jimmy would fall in

After the boat ride, and facing a long afternoon trying to keep the boys entertained and uninjured in our flat, we decided to take the bus to Hampstead Heath for a picnic and hike after all. Pre-kids-Courtney would have been in heaven shopping at all the little boutiques in Hampstead. Post-kids-Courtney was in heaven riding the bus without having to listen to Jimmy scream:

 Hampstead Heath was so beautiful. It was a hot day but the wind was blowing and the boys were happy and sweet. They ran and played and shared and said nice things to Bill and me.

And then we had to make the long journey back, and they cried, and whined, and fought, and said mean things to Bill and me. They were both so tired, and rightfully so, that Bill and I took turns carrying Jimmy and pushing Charlie in the stroller. When we got home we mapped our day and discovered we'd walked over 13 miles.

After more than 2 weeks here, we still hadn't done many touristy things yet. So on Sunday we went to Trafalgar Square and Covent Garden. Charlie loved the street performers and Jimmy loved all the statues. It was another beautiful day, and another day with great moments and moments I was sure we weren't going to survive this trip.

So many directions to run away from mommy...

But then, just when I was sure I'm not cut out for this motherhood thing, the boys and I had the most charming, relaxing, just plain enjoyable day at Coram Fields. The whole park is gated, but very large, and there's a splash pool, lots of play structures, a cafe, farm animals, and plenty of grass for running. It was like a day in the country despite being in the middle of London.

On the way home, Jimmy fell asleep curled up in Charlie's lap in the stroller, and I caught Charlie kissing his hair and patting his back. So, I suppose I won't give up just yet.